Devin wasn't popular in school. In fact, he was made fun of quite often and laughed at for his beliefs. When he joined the workforce, he tried hard but always had this overwhelming need to be accepted.
One day, the founder of the organization Devin worked for decided to retire. He picked Devin as his successor, and after a transition period, Devin became the big boss. Here was this middle-aged man desperate to be liked now with a staff of twenty-somethings and older.
It didn't take long for the older staff to realize that Devin was slow to lead the younger staff, often letting them do whatever they thought was cool. One dominant young member began to rise in power and boss others around, even those not in their department. When this was brought to Devin's attention, he kept saying he'd talk to them but always had an excuse not to. He was desperate to be seen as "the cool boss".
Whether you have been promoted due to merit for hard work or due to convenience (as in Devin's situation), when you step into the role of "the boss," a mindset shift has to take place. You are there to lead, and—brace yourself—sometimes this means you won't be liked. But if you lead well, people will still respect you even when they disagree with you.
Here are three quick thoughts for leaders:
1) Lead with consistency. While you may have favorites on your staff, everyone must be treated the same way. That means if your favorite tends to be late to every meeting while everyone else is there on time and waiting, you have to address it the same way as if they were anyone else. If you are too scared to talk to a team member, then you need to reevaluate your job choice. Maybe you aren't ready to be in charge. Otherwise, the same rules apply to everyone, or they apply to no one.
2) Lead with authority. While we all want self-starters on the team, they should never reach the point of overreaching their position. If they start to take the reins that are not theirs to take, you must step in. If you knowingly allow a team member to run rampant over others, the rest of your team will lose respect for you. It won't take long for you to be seen as nothing more than a figurehead rather than a decision-maker.
3) Lead with respect. If a team member comes to you with a concern, seriously consider its validity. Be someone people know they can bring their problems to, and you will listen, even if you don't always solve them the way they want. People who feel respected by their leader will show respect in turn. Likewise, if they do not feel their leader respects them, they will learn to feel the same toward them.
To be a leader, you have to accept the fact that not everyone will like you. Some might leave due to your leadership style (remember: people quit leaders, not organizations), but that's ok. People will understand and appreciate you if you are consistent in your decisions. Even if it doesn't work in their favor, as long as they see the same rules applied to everyone, they will (even sometimes begrudgingly) accept it.
On the other hand, when you play favorites, you lose. Whether out of fear of conflict or desperate need to be liked, your lackadaisical attitude toward certain team members and different standards for different people work against you. And whether you want to accept it or not, everyone truly does see it—even if you choose to ignore it.
Lead well, and you'll be successful!
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