Remember to Forget

I don't remember all my mistakes, but I've had more than one conversation in my life where I didn't think of the perfect thing to say until days later, when it was too late.

Last year, I had a confrontation with someone in a volunteer organization I worked with. This person lost his temper and said something incredibly cruel, and I was so shocked and overwhelmed with possible responses that I ended up saying nothing and walking away. For months afterward, I replayed the conversation in my head, coming up with one perfect response after another. Some were withering, and I know they would have crushed him emotionally. Others were simply stated facts that would have destroyed his argument and what he said, showing him to be ignorant of the truth of the situation.

In actuality, I said none of them. I simply left the organization and found another place where I could volunteer. I told my wife why we were leaving, but didn't tell anyone else the truth about what this leader had done. We just moved on to new places, new faces, and new opportunities. I left behind friends I had known for years, and work that I truly loved being a part of. And for a long time, it ate at me and affected my life in many areas.

Then, one day, I let it go a little bit. The pain was there, but I chose to let it go. Over time, I released it a little more until I was eventually able to think of this person without bitterness. Now, it's a lesson learned and something I use as a learning experience. I had let anger and resentment over the careless actions of someone else limit my life. They had long since laughed it off and celebrated my absence, and I was stuck in a moment in time.

There may be a moment in your life that haunts you. Whether it's a conversation you should have handled differently, or a moment you missed completely that could have changed things forever, one thing is absolute: it's over, and you can never relive it. You can replay the moment in your mind forever, but it won't change reality.

Choose to forget it. Let it go. It probably won't happen instantly, and I can almost guarantee it won't be easy, but it needs to be done if you are going to move forward in life. Don't let the careless words or actions of lesser people forever hinder your momentum.

Even if all you can do at first is say, "I forgive you, (whatever their name is)," start there. Then, when the memories try to come back at you, refuse to give them any notice. The day will come when you'll go an entire day without thinking about them. Then a week. Then longer, until they are nothing more than a cautionary tale.

When it comes at you and tries to overwhelm you, remember to forget.